I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
