I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
