ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
