the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
