Who wears a wallet chain?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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