i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
