i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
