where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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