So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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