I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
