Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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