Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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