girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
