she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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