I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
