Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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