I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
