Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
