How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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