she looked like the before picture.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
