You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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