well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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