alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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