I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
