This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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