Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize