i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
