i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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