I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
