Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
