If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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