Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
