My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
