you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
