There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
