he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
