I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
