Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Two words: nipple clamps
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