this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize