dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize