Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
