True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
