i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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