i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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