I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
