The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
