Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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