im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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