Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize