I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
