you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
