I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
