I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I did not marry a roomba.
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