The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize