im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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