im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
