oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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