in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
40s are totally the cure
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
