Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
