Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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