So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
