I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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