just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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