You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
