is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
