I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
