Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
