doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
