Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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