My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
