Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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