I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
