Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
