Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
