just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MIDGETS
????
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
