its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
