She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
