I feel great
I just peed on a car
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
