I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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