Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We are two peas in an std pod
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
