Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
