So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
