im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
