Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
