just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
