I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
