We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
