i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
